If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
