can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
