Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
