paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Duck Duck Cougar?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
