ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have aggressive nipples.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
