I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
