How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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