yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
