So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
