This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
