u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
