Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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