No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
