are you still at the devil's house?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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