forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
