I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize