how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize