you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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