How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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