I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
