I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
