when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
