Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
