last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
