I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
