Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize