I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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