I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
