I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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