Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
