after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
