I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
