i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
