I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
