Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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