He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
