Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
