Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
