I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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