I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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