I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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