@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
