Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
