dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
