I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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