I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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