glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you win again, gameday.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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