thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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