I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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