What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
