Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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