Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
