the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
