I just threw up on my dentist
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
