maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We are two peas in an std pod
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
