I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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