You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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