I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
