Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
