his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
