I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
