Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
