and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
