You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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