Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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