just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
