Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
