She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
