i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
