you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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