My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
