after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
