Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
