Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
